My Brain in the AM:


My mind awakes:

Brain control :  Oh gawd… is it morning already?!? Ugh … ok Eyes, time to open.
Eye Department :  Eyes open sir.
Brain control::   Alright body, let’s slip on out of bed.
Body control :   [no response]
Brain control :   Body… let’s go. It’s time to get out of bed now.
Body control :  [no response]
Eye Department :   Eyes closed sir.
Brain control :   Wait … what? Why? Open the freaking eyes!
Eye Department :  Eyes open again.
Brain control :   Body, let’s go! Out of bed, now! Move it!
[Body rolls toward edge of bed and stops.]
Brain control :   What the hell was that? I said out of bed!
Body Control :   Nope.
Brain Control :   Sorry?
Body Control :    You heard me.
[silence]
Brain Control :   This… IS… a joke, right?
Body Control :   Dude. It’s five in the morning. What’s your problem?
Brain Control :  I can’t sleep.
Body Control :   And that affects me how?
Brain Contro l:   I figured we’d just get up.
Body Control :   Nope.
Eye Department :   Eyes closed.
Brain Control :   Are you kidding me?! … Open them!
Eye Department :   Eyes open.
Brain Control :   Ok… Great… Wonderful… Thanks. Now… body…?
[silence]
Brain :   Body? … … BODY!
Body :   WHAT?!?
Brain :   It is… time… to get… UP!!
Body :   Stop yellin’!
Brain :   Okay. Then why are we still in bed.
Body :   Your mom.
[silence]
Brain :   What?
[silence]
Brain :   Body… we NEED to get out of bed!
Eye Department :   Eyes closed.
Brain :   Oh, COME ON!
[silence]
Brain :   Okay. Fine. You guys win. We’ll stay in bed.
Body :   Sitting up.
Eye Department :   Eyes open.
Face Control :   Good morning Brain control. Initiating yawn sequence.
Body :   Stretching arms and legs.
Brain :   [confused] Ummm… ok then. Let’s do this.
Eye Department :   Eyes closed.
Body :   Systems shutting down.
[body falls to laying position]
Brain :   What happened?!?!?
[silence]
Brain :   Body? Eyes? Will someone answer me!
[silence]
Brain :   I don’t get it. We go through this every morning. … … GET UP!!
Body :   Bite me.
Brain : ?
[silence]
Bladder :   Hey guys… ahh… kind of getting’ full down here.
Brain :   Great. You hear that, Body?
Body :   Not my problem.
Brain :   Umm… it will be when you’re lying in it.
Bladder :   Yeah, it will be when you’re lying in it.
Body :   Shut up piss bag.
Bladder :   That wasn’t very nice.
Brain :   Body, let’s go. We need to get to the restroom.
Body :   You do it.
Brain :   It’s your job. I need YOU to move US to the restroom!
Body :   Make me.
Brain :   What do you think I’m try… oh for fuck’s sake.
Bladder :   Almost full!
Brain :   Liver, stop processing.
Liver :   Sorry guy. Last batch was just filtered and sent down.
Brain :   G-r-e-a-t.
Body :   I’ll make you a deal. If I get up, we get coffee.
Brain :   It’s a deal.
Body :   Dark Roast.
Brain :   Fine.
Body :   In a mug, not a tiny cup.
Brain :   Ok, ok… whatever you want, can we just pah-lease get up!
Body :   No.
Brain :   What?!?
Body :   You’re shouting at me.
Brain :   Ok. I’m sorry. Now, can we please just go before Bladder decides to release the flow?
Body :   That wasn’t very sincere.
Brain :   Really? You’re really going to do this?
[silence]
Brain :   Ok. I am sincerely sorry for shouting at you, Body. I know you’re are very tired, but can we please move this human to the restroom?
[Brief silence]
Body :   I’ll think about it.
Brain :   . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Eye Department :    Eyes… open?

7 responses to “My Brain in the AM:

    • I’m glad I could make someone smile with this.

      This is literally what I go through every morning. My brain wakes up long before my body wants to move. Mornings are a chore.

  1. Pingback: Shawn’s Zombie Silhouette Helps Paint « John The Aussie

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s